Step two to square O

Let me break this down for you. This might get confusing to stay focused guys!

Fact one: I took a plane…to South Korea.
Fact two: I did this without my parents knowledge.

Now that you know that, I can tell my story a bit, and give you my reasons.

Yes, as my brother told me yesterday, I was the one keeping the family together…unfortunately. It sounds like a fun and honorable job, but in reality it’s tiring and nerve breaking.
When I was 12 years old, I realized that my mom had some difficulty with her everyday tasks at home due to all the back problems she has( which she got from starting working at the age of 14 up until today) and it broke my heart to see her suffer like that, so I pitched in. After school, I went home and helped my mom with whatever she was doing; cooking, cleaning, washing clothes, dishes etc. due to this, I didn’t have any friends at all; I didn’t have time for that.

When I started high school ( gymnasium), I met the most lovely people in the world, S and E. I wanted keep them as my friends so I did everything I could to make time for them too. Even though it got exhausting to make time for school, home duties, friends and my passion for dance, I still managed doing it. Don’t ask me how, I don’t know.

The more I grew up, the more my family started to demand more and more from me, and I just said yes and did everything I could for them. That’s how families are,right?

In my third and last year of school, my parents decided to get a divorce.
During the same period, my father decided to make me the co-owner of his taxi company, and I thought the reason for that only was because you pay less taxes the more it’s split.
WRONG! The next thing I know he’s making me do all the paper work.. As if I didn’t have enough from school already. But it’s not solely his fault; I never said anything.

As you can see, my life was never really a happy story, I would call it a tragedy, actually.

It can’t get any worse,right?
It was now time to decide on universities and what to major in… And as you can guess; I wanted to dance.
I forgot to tell you, I wanted to take some dance classes when I was in first year of gymnasium but my father didn’t let me because he thought I would become a drug addict and skip school. Yeah, I know.

So, did they let me choose dance? NO.
music and dance was not even an option, it was apparently not a “real” job.
So I applied for everything THEY wanted, went to my room and cried the whole night; just like all the other nights.
After being miserable for days, hating the future I could see in front of my eyes, I made a decision.

I realized how my life has been and I realized I wanted to make a change; not only for me, but for every other young adult that is doomed to go through the same things. I want to be a role model for the young men out there that feels like their fathers have to decide their future because “they know what’s best for you”. I want to be a role model for the young girls out there who feels like they have to be led by either e father or a husband because “a girl needs someone to depend on”. I know so many girls that got married at the age of 18 simply to get away from the “captivity”. It’s time for the young adults to realize that they can stand on their own legs, that they can decide on their own, that it is in fact ok to dream about a carries which isn’t “normal”. There was no one there to guide me, to lead me, so I figured then that I can be that for others. As cliché as it sounds, it’s time to make a change and I’m literally starting with the man in the mirror. (Yes, I love Michael Jackson).
After singing to a few people to get their honest opinions, I decided to do it.
What better way to lead people for a better forever than through my music and dance?

You think that was the end? No no no.
The day before my flight to Korea, I was sexually harassed by a man I call Uncle.
I’m gonna call him Asshole because that’s the only word he deserves from now on.
Asshole and his very handsome son were renovating our balcony( dad’s place) and he called me down to look at the paint (I was the only one home beside them) and after looking at it and being on my way up to my room again he comes to give me a hug. I’m like “cool, it’s not the first time he hugs me” but them he places he’s hands on my ass and whispers “you’re very sweet, and very sexy too. I want you” in my ear. Obviously, I thought he was just kidding me.The next thing I know, he literally grabs my face and tries to tongue kiss me. I panicked so I closed my mouth shut and try to move away but because of his grip of my head, I couldn’t do anything so I just stood there, feeling him lick my lips.
As soon as he lets go of me, I push him Aside, I ran up to my room, got my phone and bag, ran to the closest empty kindergarten and sat and cried for maybe 30 minutes.
I was disgusted by my own body, and I couldn’t tell anyone because my flight was the next day and I didn’t wanna risk my plans to be messed up.
Now I can’t sleep well, because every time I close my eyes, I see that very scene over and over again.
I know it wasn’t my fault, I just…I don’t know.

I stayed up until 5 am, took my luggage,by bags and everything and left the house I grew up in while my father was sleeping.
I wish it didn’t have to be this way, but if I told my family, they would literally have locked me in to keep me from leaving.
I got on a plane; three hours later, I landed in Istanbul. After that, I took my next plane and landed in Seoul, South Korea, 10 hours later, the next day.
I wanna thank the random man who helped me carry my bags to the train , and the other random man who helped me carry by bags up the stairs in Sweden, and the very nice man who sat next to my on man flight from Istanbul to Seoul and who kept me company. And special thanks to the lovely man and woman at the airport who listened to my story and wished me good luck. I won’t even forget you all. 🙂
But mostly, I wanna thank my other family who helped me through this big step, who support me and love me. I feel blessed and blissful to have you guys and it’s an honor to call you guys my family members. I love you beyond reason.
Thank you to my mom, my brother, my older sister S and my baby sister E for still being by my side even though it hurts to hear how they still try to change my mind.
And thank you to my wife E’s lovely family for helping me and loving me so much.
Last but not least, thank you, my twin N, for letting me pest you with my presence ever since the very day you were born. I love you my love, my twin, my soulmate. My everything of 17 years.
I thank god everyday that I have you. Never did I let anything come between us, I think I did I pretty good job, and I still won’t let anything come between us and our love. I love you.
Well, now Im sitting at Baskin Robbins café and eating ice cream while posting this and listening to B.A.P’s Badman. Im currently living in Seoul, Sinchon, for those who are here and would like to hang out 😛

Now you know my story… Or a very concluded version at least.
That’s it for now, keep your eyes open!

C U guys later!
Peace is international<3
O is out :)!


4 thoughts on “Step two to square O

  1. Pingback: One more ear | OurMutualDistanceBlog

    • Hej Ebba, tack så mycket för att du läste mitt inlägg. Det betyder jätte mycket för mig!
      Jag bor i Sinchon i ett guest house. Det jag gjorde var att jag jobbade bokstavligen varje dag i tre månader som en frukost värdinna och receptionist på ett hotell i Sollentuna i Stockholm. Det va självklart jätte jobbigt och man blev extremt utmattad och trött men ibland måste man bita ihop för att åstadkomma sina mål 🙂
      Hoppas jag kunde svara på dina frågor, tack för att du gav mig din tid och läste mitt inlägg.

  2. Du känner inte mig men jag gick i din gymnasieskola. Vill bara säga att jag är rörd och inspirerad av det du skrev, du är så himla stark och fan vad grym du är. Jag önskar dig all lycka och hoppas allt går din väg.

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