I can’t fight if you don’t

Hi sweetie.

Yupp, Im in pain. Not the getting-a-tattoo type of pain; more like getting-my-heart-picked-at-by-hungry-birds type of pain.

while taking a shower, a few days ago, I thought about my birthday coming up and it suddenly hit me that I’m turning 20(21 back home).

And my eyes started burning as they got filled with fresh tears as I realised how I have been in a somewhat silent agreement with myself.

After having congratulating my father on christmas, father’s day and his birthday, even though he never replied to any of them, I made up my mind. If he doesn’t pick up his phone to at least text me a “happy birthday” with his goddamn phone on my birthday, I no longer will try. I no longer will desire to make up. It tares on my body and it takes so much energy to try to build up something when the person on the other end is nothing but ignorant.

There’s obviously a reason behind why I like men older than me that is confident and assertive; They take action.

And no, Im not planing on celebrating my birthday, just like I don’t celebrate any other special event; Im freezing and alone on the inside so I rather be equally as such on the outside as well.
That’s why I’m flying over to Turkey the weekend after my birthday to spend it alone.

I’ll probably be forced out on my birthday anyways, typical. S has her ways.

I like being alone. No one can hurt you when you’re alone.

Can’t go to the gym because of my fingers. #shit

Gonna take a shower now.

G Night baby.

O.

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