It’s time to wake up, bitches

path_of_life__dreaming__by_jesuslover488448-d5owlnq

Yo, baby boo. How was your day? Good? Mine was so so. It was pretty ok since I got to smile a bit and laugh some while spending time with my cotton candy. I don’t like feeling down, it affects the people around me so much. Me not smiling end up making everyone around me equally as sad. It’s scary how many people there are that depend on my smile, Im glad but it’s also very rough. Sometimes I just wanna curl up into a ball and cry in a corner until my eyes run dry from the tears. I wanna break down and be a fucking mess too. That wouldn’t be fair, I know. I don’t wanna do it. I’m gonna stay strong, standing tall for the ones seeking protection under my wings. Don’t worry, O is standing tall for you.

Rant of the day: people need to start doing a reality check on the situation: IM NOT THAT LITTLE GIRL YOU KNEW 2 YEARS AGO. Im not that insecure little girl, unsure of everything that requires help in everything about life. Im not that little girl that runs away from arguments, Im not that little kid who obeys your every word.

You don’t have to like what I’ve become; bitchy, confident, cocky, getting tattooes, loud, growing up and making my own decisions. IM NOT DOING IT FOR YOU, IM DOING IT FOR ME AND FOR EVERYONE WHO NEEDS ME TO BE!

Im not shutting up, Im not backing down, Im not obeying, I AM THE ONE SAYING THE LAST WORD ABOUT MY LIFE WHEN A DECISION IS TO BE MADE!

I figured it was time to make it clear because it didn’t seem like you were getting the hint.

You cannot shut me out for 20 years and then expect me to share my thoughts and problems with you.

You cannot say Im gonna fail, end up marrying some dude only to become a housewife and then expect me to care about your opinions.

You cannot say I deserve being raped because my clothes probably provoked him and then expect me to talk to you. You’re not my sister anymore, you don’t get to talk to me nor call me “sweetie” nor say me name. Bitch, no.

You don’t get to say I should wait with my dreams until I have an education and then expect me to keep on listening.

You cannot say “You’re no madonna, you’re no beyoncé” and expect me to stay by your side.

YOU CANNOT PUT ME THROUGH THIS AND THEN EXPECT ME TO NOT TEAR THIS FAMILY APART.

For every young releative that is gonna have to go though the same things; no. I will make sure to begin with this family, their closed up narrow minds and their misbehavior.

Moving on, I have to admit Im doing something very bad as well. As I encourage people to not let the new ones in their lifes pay for the mistakes of the ones before them, that’s exactly what I am doing. Not when it comes to friendship, no, I believe everyone deserves a chance. However when it comes to my heart, I block everyone out. I let no one, and I won’t let anyone near it. tired of being hurt.
I need safety, security and appreciation. Someone that can proudly hold my hand, that respect me, that kisses me like he’s kissing a fucking masterpiece and manly stands up for me. There’s only one person that is that way that I know of and he happens to live two continents away(my exception).

#fucklife im never finding happiness. Shitdickpoopface.  Whatever. Kkaebsong~

I’ll make sure to fight to make a difference, to make as many people happy and feel safe and sound. That is a promise.

Im starting with the man in the mirror to make sure to leave my footprint so that everyone knows I was here.

O.

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