Warrior

My world is falling apart and it feels like the air has been knocked out of me.
As the days pass, I find myself feeling numb inside. Sore, broken, numb. I barely eat, I’ve gotten about 30 minutes of sleep these past two days, I feel nauseous, exhausted and alone.

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My life feels like a spiderweb, where everything seems to get tangled up in disaster. How come it is so easy to leave me behind? As much as I try to stay strong, I’ve reached my cap and I’m loosing faith in my own value. I feel worthless. I’m not but then again I have no argument against that, do I? I am of no value.

Why do we miss the ones who pains us so much?
I miss my father. The father who tried to do whatever he could to contain me, keep me blank, locked up behind his bars.
Don’t you remember your baby girl? Don’t you miss my love at all? Was my happiness such a disappointment? Did it not anger you? Did it not make you heart ache to hear your brother try to rape you little girl? How could you stand the reality of his hands gripping my clothes, trying to rip them off?

Oh father, am I really your child or was I just a charity award?

Mother, does it not bother you that you don’t even know me?
Oh mother, if I were to ask, would you even know my lucky number?

As I look back to my life, I feel sorry for the little girl named Ozzy who had to grew up too fast, who had to carry a luggage too heavy for her size.
Sometimes I wonder, maybe I’m delusional, maybe it was all in my head, but I know my soulmate is the witness that testifies it all. unfortunately.

Your words ring in my ears still, making my eyes prickle with tears:

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you’re no Madonna, you’re no Jennifer Lopez. if you were to become and artist, the only thing you’d manage becoming is a drug addict like Michael Jackson”

 

I repeat that quote to myself every morning and every night in order to not forget them. It hurts but I won’t stop; one day it will do nothing but motivate me to prove you wrong.

We all have our own battle, and the only reason I’m sharing mine with you is for you to hopefully trust me enough to let me help you through yours.
I thought love was gonna be the relief to my pain but it turned out to become the torch to my flame. I’m finally giving up on joy and peace, this storm is not gonna fade.

Nonetheless, I didn’t have anyone by my side when I needed you the most, I most definitely don’t need you now.
Leave me alone.

XOXO
Ozzy.

 

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