No pillow, no u

Good morning sweetie, how was your night/day? Did it go well?
Wanna tell me all about it? You might not actually know this but I honestly want to know how you feel, how you are, how your day went. Every single one of you reading this.

I wanna be there for you, let me help you lessen the weight on your shoulders, please.


My mother doesn’t seem to understand me quite well; Well neither does my sibling whom I live with at the moment, for that matter. You see, baby, I have a thing with sleeping comfortably. I don’t like it.
Hence, I do not use pillows, ever, and try my best to struggle up a sleeping position which is as uncomfortable as possibly bearable.

The reason behind this is very simple yet equally as deep, from my perspective.

I refuse to sleep comfortably only to become one with my body; I feel empty inside, in pain, lost and unsafe, given that my history is catching up, hurting me mentally. Therefore, I don’t wanna sleep comfortably until I am safe and sound in the arms of the man I love. It just doesn’t feel right, I can’t make myself to not be loyal to that person even though I don’t know who it is yet.

I know I know, he wouldn’t want me to suffer just because he isn’t around, but being the loyal one that I am, I just can’t do it. It’s hurts even more than to know do it.

I mean, I get it, it doesn’t make much sense but it’s me and I’ve never made much sense…

I guess doing this also will increase the serenity I will feel when that day finally arrives, if it so does.



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