One more ear

Not knowing where to start, I’m just gonna fire off.

You see, pretty eyes, I didn’t know today was gonna be such a roller-coaster for me, emotionally.

One of my colleagues, one of many I like pissing off, came up to me as always to pick on me(we like pissing each other off) playing with my phone. Seeing as my home screen is the picture of my niece and not K-pop men at the moment(only because I miss her so much), I saw that greedy look in his eye, that look that told me loud and clear that he just had to ask who it was.

Screenshot_2014-07-07-22-22-04

So he did.

And I told him.

I also told him(briefly)why I am unable to meet her since i avoid her mother due to the words I received from her saying i deserve rape after I told her about what the shit-brick of an uncle did to me..

As the last word slowly dripped through my lips I noticed that very feeling in his eye which I hated so much: sympathy, pity.
A thin layer of I-shouldn’t-push-this-topic trying to giver up that thick glowing foundation of greedy curiosity.

So I willed myself to not shut up, not now, I had to turn that pity into respect and envy. So keeping my brief short, I stayed true to my word. That look, that look which I despised, I flipped it upside down, received a sentence which I have been told countless amount of times: You’re a strong woman.

Sometimes I ask myself why I haven’t given up on life yet? Why I still fight? How I still manage surviving? How come I manage fighting even in such a horribly great amount of pieces.

Sometimes I wish I wasn’t strong; I wish I hadn’t managed getting up from the first blow. Im tired, so tired, and exhausted.

Asking for the name of the blog, I gave it to him. So K, if you’re reading this…Here’s a quick summary of how my journey began but remember: this is barely clawing at the crust:

https://ourmutualdistanceblog.wordpress.com/2013/08/28/step-two-to-square-o/

Thank you for listening, btw.

XOXO

Ozzy.

 

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