Absence – I got a reason

Hi baby love. How are you?
I know, I know, I’m on my knees with my arms in the air * Korean style of light punishment*. I’m sorry. I promised to be more active, didn’t I? I have an explanation though, so calm your cows before you shoot me, darling. I have been tired, busy with study and today I have been suffering from an aching throat and a heavy body. I feel like I’m carrying a bag of 60 kg on my shoulders. It. Sucks.

I sent my audition application in on friday yet didn’t receive any reply as to what time my audition was so I couldn’t go on sunday. I’m gonna have to wait until the return to me with a date and time for me to kick some ass over there. That application was sent to SM Entertainment and I hope I’ve impressed them. I’m gonna send my application for four others too as soon as his throat of mine gets better. I’m thinking about starting my own dance group on the side, If I can find enough members. It might help spreading the words and talent.

Let me post a song here that I’ve been listening to a lot nowadays so you can listen to it while reading my words 🙂

Now where were we?

My days?

Not as sparkly as I would have wished it would. I’m been… not fighting but kind of on bad terms with a really important friend of mine and no matter how much we tell ourselves to not let these types of things to bother us, of corse they do. It hurts and it bothers us. That’s how it’s suppose to be. We wouldn’t be alive if we didn’t feel joy nor pain. It’s kind of apart of the deal, isn’t? :/

The matter of which or argument orbit around wasn’t even an issue of matter, what annoyed the shit out of me was probably his reply and how he handled it.

Here’s a song for you to listen to as you read along,baby.

I love Sia’s voice, and I have been in adoration with Shia LaBeouf. Maddie is just…wow. ❤

What were we talking about? Oh, that’s right, the argument.

See, I’m gonna get a few new tattoos soon in places which will hurt(ankle, behind my ear and such) and I wanted him to be there with me to hold me hand since My soulmate won’t be able to be there to hold it. I just feel safe around him and his presence will help me. He’s after all someone I cherish and never want to loose. I love him dearly and he’s one of the few friends in my life I will fight to never loose. He hates my sidecut though, and my tattoos. So clearly, when I said “Oppa, would you please come and hold my hand when I get a new tattoo later?” His reaction was: “tattoo? Again?”. I said yes and his reply was simply ” Why? You already have to many” I explained myself, saying I wanna do more because I love tattoos and they mean a lot to me. I expected him to say “Alright, I don’t like the fact that you’re gonna do more tattoos but I’ll be there” or “I’m sorry but I don’t like the whole tattoo thingy and I don’t wanna see you in pain”. His reply, however, was “you already have so many”.
By this time, I just snapped and went ” Alright I’ll go alone”.

I understand him, he doesn’t like and he definitely doesn’t have to. I just wished he would have said he’d be there for me because it’s something that brings me joy, not him in particular. This just feels like a milder version of how my father hates me because I wanna be on stage just because he doesn’t like it. Oppa, you don’t have to, you should still support me because it brings me joy.

I’m not gonna force him, ofc. It just hurt my feelings, I guess. I’m gonna wait until my cotton candy is coming over here so she can be by my side and grab my hand real tight when I get my tattoos.

Here’s my wonderfully handsome and kind Oppa. He cares about me and only wants my best, I know, he just goes about it in a weird way sometimes.


God I’m mad at you but isn’t he freaking adorable?!?!?!
I wish you’d be a little more open minded to stand by my side but oh well. Meanie.

I miss my gym partner.  I miss my cotton candy. I miss you, Shadi ❤

20140216-003437.jpg 20140216-003431.jpg

I can’t wait until you get here so we can celebrate your coming of age, your birthday, mine and I can’t wait until you’re here so I can hold you hand and get a tattoo at the very special tattoo shop. How I love you, my darling cotton candy ❤

I recently realised that I’m turning 22 in Korea this year. God, I’m old.

So what do you think, baby? How has my days been?

How has your days been? I’m curious, please tell me ❤

I”ve got mid terms tests on thursday and friday in Grammar, Speaking, Reading, Oral, Writing and listening. Yaaaay…

I need to make my throat some tea and sit my ass down and study.

I’ll try to post more later today. it’s only 16.20 pm here so I’ve got time 🙂




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