Hi baby~ how are you? You forgot to text me yesterday, only some of you sweethearts did. But I was waiting for yours too, so don’t forget to text me today and tell me about your day ❤
Did you sleep well? I sure didn't.
Yupp, Night terrors.
This time, I saw the scene from 2 years ago again.
For those who are new to my blog and don't know what Im talking about, let me tell you about a fraction of my pain.
You see, 2 years ago, 2013 August, I was still living home with my dad after my parents got divorced. One day, 21st of august, to be exact, my uncle and his son spends the day over, like the day before that, since they were repainting our balcony and garage. My dad thinks it's a perfectly fine idea to go to work and leave those two there, while I was still at home. I close my door and stay in my room, trying my hardest to ignore them.
Oh don't look at me like that, what could I have done? I had to stay home and study!
Halfway through the day, my uncle calls my name and asks me to come down and look at the paint. I growl but make my way down with a fake smile plastered on. You remember me telling you about this? Ugh I know..
I nodd, say that the color looks good (it's just white for gods sake, what did he expect me to say? -.- ) and make quest to go back inside and up the stairs to my room.
I take my shoes off and when I turn around, my uncle is there. He comes up to me and gives me a hug. I think nothing of it of course; he's my uncle and this is not the first time he has hugged me. What catches me off guard and makes me freak out is when Im all of a sudden pushed up against the wall with his nasty hands holding my face, trying to kiss me. I panic and close my mouth since I freeze and I wanna die as I feel him trying and fail; i snapped my head to the side. It doesn't work and he whispers discussing things as his hands try to pull my shirt away. He leans a few inches back and in that moment I manage to push him slightly,run up to my room, grab my phone and then run off to the closest empty kindergarten and cry for maybe 15 minutes with my soulmate on the other side of the phone line.
I hated hated him, I hated my dad for leaving, I hated my life, I hated myself.
So there you go.. my uncle tried to rape me and now Im suffering from the trauma and the anxiety that every person I ever meet is gonna hurt me again.
I was disgusted by myself and I hated myself. It took my a whole year until I could hug my own brother again. I blamed myself alot in the beginning and when I told my closest (at the time) sister about it and she said "maybe you deserved it", the hate within me burned me alive in the most malaise way imaginable.
Why I'm taking the time to retell a small fraction of my not so bright past is not only because some of you lovely babies are new here but also because RAPE AND ATTEMPT OF RAPE IS NEVER THE VICTIM'S FAULT. never.
And I know, boooy do I know that there are many girls and boys and anything in between that has been through the same and worse and let me tell you something, you beautiful piece of human being, you are not alone and you are not at fault.
Im gonna try to sleep an hour or so, im skipping school because, well…I'm dead.
And I gotta study so I need some sleep.
I'll talk to you soon, aight? <3~