What was I fucking expecting?

Hi sweetheart. How was your friday? Mine started off like a blessing from the devil

See this is how it went down.

I got dressed in my outfit which I posted yesterday and then I took my bag and went to my dad’s place which was a big fucking deal after the way he has behaved.

I enter the house in which I spent 12 years, good and bad, and I talk to his new wife and her daughter, I spend time with my new baby sister but my dad doesn’t talk to me at all. NOT EVEN A SINGLE FUCKING WORD.

2 hours pass and they call him from turkey ( his family) on skype or tango or whatever app they use and because he is so damn ignorant, he talks really loud so I pick up my sleeping sister of 2 months and take her to my old room where I let her sleep in peace and silence.

10 minutes later I hear him call my name so I go back out and he starts talking.

Him: Let’s talk, don’t you wanna talk?

Me: Okay let’s talk, sure. What do you wanna talk about?

Him: Isn’t there anything you wanna talk about? Don’t you apologise for what you have done?

Me: No not really, I’m not ashamed nor am i in regret of my choices.

Him: What are your plans now for the future?

Me: I don’t know yet to be perfectly honest. I haven’t figured that out yet so I will do my best and take it as it comes.

Him: But what are you plans? What do you wanna do?

Me: I just told you, I don’t know. When I figure it out, I’ll let you know.

Him: I heard you went to Canada, Did you ask for my permission if you could go to Canada?

Me: I didn’t need to ask for your permission, and you haven’t even been apart of my life for the past 3 years. I was there for about a week and then I came here. There was nothing to ask.

Him: What are you gonna do now? Work? Study?

Me: I just told you I haven’t decided yet, please stop asking me the same thing over and over again. I will tell you when I know.

Him: You’re not gonna consult your parents about what you’re gonna do? your parents mean nothing, do they.

Me: I consult my mother and I do know that I know myself enough to know what choice will make me happiest. Had you been apart of me life, I would have asked for your opinion as well. But you don’t talk; you shout and you insult if people don’t do as you wish. That’s not love.

Him: What do you wanna do then?

Me: I wanna dance. I always wanted to dance and I will always fight for that goal. I wanna dance.

Him: Can’t you give up on that bullshit nonsense?

At this point, I just knew how this would end.

Me: Then what you have me do? What do you want?

Him: I want you to get a real job and live a normal life like human being instead of running after those crappy dreams of yours. Are you just gonna fly around and not get a real life?

Me: I’m not gonna do what makes you happy just because you want me to, I’m the one who’s gonna live my life, Not you. I’m 21, let me live life and make my decisions as I go.

Him: How long is this gonna continue? until you’re 30?

Me: Until I choose otherwise.

Him: If only you knew what a disappointment you have been. I hope your kids make you go though the same shit you have put me through.

Me: It’s been 3 years, haven’t you learned anything? Is the idea of evolving and understanding your children so frightening? That hate I see in your eyes; it suits you well. Good job.

I got up, I wished his wife goodbye and kissed my baby sister goodbye, took my bag and left.

I was on  the verge of crying and I wanted to break something.

I got on the phone with Shadi, my best friend, and talked to her until I felt a little less sad and angry.

The rest of the day took a turn for the better which ended in a romantic surprise with flowers, chocolate, dinner and wine but I’ll keep that part a secret for a little while longer.

I have to go and rest now as my gastritis is still killing me.

I’ll talk to you later.

Don’t bow down.

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XOXO

Ozzy

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