How are you? Me? so so..
I don’t know what it is really but some things that has been obvious to me for so long is now bothering me. As if that wasn’t enough, I’m bothered because I’m bothered.
I’m turkish, born in Sweden and feel connected to South Korea and it’s culture. Despite the diversity in me and all that, one thing never changes; I belong nowhere. I am not one home no matter where I am.
In Sweden I’m an immigrant, even though I’m born here. In Turkey I’m european/swedish, even though I am turkish and live the same live as they do. In Korea I’m a foreigner no matter how well my korean or how much I live by their standards and ways.
Not in one country I’m a “a part of the people”.
No matter which of there three countries I go to, people just naturally asume I don’t speak the language well, that I don’t understand them well enough, that I am an outsider. Even in Turkey.
That’s what sucks.
Apart from that, I feel stuck because I feel like I was born in the wrong coutnry, baby.
When I look at the videos of kpop idols performing on stage and recording and doing what they love, hurts me. It hurts because my passion and hunger for what makes me happy is passed by unseen simply because I was born in the wrong country. Had I been a korean in S.K, I would have been given the same opportunities. Had I been a white swedish girl with blonde hair and blue eyes, I would have been given the same opportunities here.
If Zara Larsson had been a brown eyed girl with dark hair and a different cultural background, she wouldn’t have come this far this quickly.
This doesn’t discourage me, not at all. It just pisses me off to know that as a girl with a different appearance and a different cultural background, I have to fight and struggle twice as hard, if not more, to get to the same place my idols have gotten to.
And no, Larsson is not an idol of mine. I don’t dislike her music, I just don’t like it…If that makes sense.
I won’t give up, I will make it and I will feed my hunger. I just feel bummed for now.
It’ll pass for sure.
I’ve been through worse and I always get back on my legs. You know I do, baby.
Did you read the first chapter of my new story?
I hope the rest of the week does your beautiful heart justice, sweetie.
I’m here if you need someone to talk to, you know that, right? I’m always here for you.
Together we can get through it all.