Bigbang and BTS

Hi Love!

I’m trying really hard to update you often, can you tell?^^

This week both flew by but also couldn’t not seem to end. I’m gonna work tomorrow so technically my day hasn’t ended yet but I don’t have to interact with anyone during the weekend so mentally it’s the end of the week for me^^

I’m a little annoyed and my anxiety is a bit OTT these last couple of days but I’m trying to keep it at bay.

One positive news:

Taeyang from BIGBANG had his comeback today and his comeback song featured Jimin from BTS. I don’t know if you realise how epic that is but I’m gonna break it down just in case:

BTS took inspiration from BIGBANG when they were trying to enter the music business. They grew up listening to them, and to now see them feature on one of their songs is such a huge achievement and full circle moment that I can’t even put it to words. ALSO a bit part of why Taeyang probably had Jimin feature his comeback song is because BTS are now so big that he probably needed their clout to get back in to the game.

Listen, I love BIGBANG, they will forever be the reason I survived until I found BTS, BUT facts are facts: they’re not as big or legendary as they used to be.

It’s still a very cool moment to see the two reasons you survived all this time collaborate.

Enjoy^^

XOXO

Ozzy

Long overdue

Hi my love,

It’s been a while, I know. I meant to share all the things that happened throughout the year with you yet I couldn’t bring myself to do so. Somehow, sharing it with you made it all real, and I didn’t want it to be. Or… I don’t think I care if it happens or not, I’m just shocked it did happen… it that makes sense?

Regardless, here we are and I can no longer not share these things will you.

What’s happened over the last few months? I got married, I lost contact will most of my family in the process due to disagreements in my choice of partner (or his ethnicity, I should say). The choice to drop contact was mine though, I think if I didn’t cut ties, they probably wouldn’t but I have come to realise that trying to keep them in my life threatens my peace and mental health. So I made a choice and I stand behind it.

The wedding was nice and lowkey, not low key enough it you ask me, but everyone enjoyed it so I’m satisfied with the outcome.

I’ll try to share some photos in the future, I don’t have them online but I’ll take some photos of our album ^^

What else has happened? Around fall, i slowly felt a de-personalization creeping up on me. It was almost like I no longer knew who I was, what I wanted out of life and if I really wanted all the things I want. Who am I even? Do I really wanna be the person I am? Do I want the life I dream of? Who is this person in the mirror?
It almost felt like I lost the voice inside my head and it made me feel lost. Inner chaos, I call it. My friends reason with it as being an aftermath of everything that has happened throughout the year but I don’t know. Maybe. What do you think my love?

I haven’t been able to quite solve it but I am trying to heal step by step. You know I’ve always heeled with music and this time around it helped me once again. I found some new artists and songs with lyrics that made me feel a bit more grounded… or heard, I should say.

This is two of the songs I’ve had on repeat for months now.

I hadn’t heard of Jeff Satur before and this song hit me like a truck.

Something else that has helped me that I highly recommend for you too is getting back in touch with out hobbies that I’ve forgotten about. I used to read a lot, write novels and fiction, paint, play guitar and dance but I noticed as I grew older I somehow left those things in the past. So I’m trying to bring that back now.

Something else that has helped me heal that I didn’t realise it was going to? I found a thai series that ended up being my anchor and savour. I think see the couple in that series love each other the way I wish to be loved and understood helped me in a way. Almost like I filled me cup by seeing them fill each others cups if that makes sense? Haha it sounds weird when I say it out loud like this but I think you know what I mean.

If you ever wanna give it a chance, the series is called Love In The Air.

Moving on, The new year has now began and it has already hit me with it’s new obstacles. The first one being to start looking for a job in time for finishing university. I’m hopeful though.

I’m off to apply to some new jobs, I’ll try my very very best to keep you updated more often.

XOXO

Ozzy

Whiplash – Car accident

Hi baby!

I hope the month started off kindly to you. To me? Both yes and no^^

We’ve found an apartment for my mom which is all set and ready, now I just gotta find a place for myself. I’ve looked at a couple of places and have a few more to look at before the end of the week. Hopefully I’ll find something. I’m not too worried though.

Me and my cousin Nessie was gonna go to the Zoo called Kolmården here in Sweden. however, on our way there, on the highway, a very large semi-truck was on it’s way to crush our car. In order to avoid ending up underneath it, I drove into 5  “roadwork” warning signs (red and yellow arrow signs) and ending up crashing into the tires below to stop the car.

 

Thank God we’re both fine besides some whiplash and neck pain, it could have gone so much worse, had I not noticed the truck’s actions and the warning signs. The car took a bit of a hit but is mostly fine too. We managed to take it to a workshop and had it patched up so that we could drive it back home.

It’s gonna need some work and TLC but other than that, we’re all okay. I’m pissed over the fact that I didn’t get the license plate of the truck though; everything happened so fast and I was too occupied with trying to keep us alive.

 

I’m getting a bit nauseous sitting up and typing so I’m gonna end the post here but I’ll try to keep you updated as much as possible. So far, the pain is at a 6 out of 10.

 

XOXO

Ozzy

The weekend didn’t come quick enough

Hi baby!

 

How has your week been? Mine? Don’t even ask haha.

It’s been a while since I wrote to you, hasn’t it? I’m sorry, it’s just been alot to deal while at home and at work at the same time. I think things are finally settling into it’s places.

 

To start off, turns out the no wipe gel I’ve been using on my nails to harden them gave me an allergic reaction. How do I know? The skin around my nails started bleeding.

 

 

I’m letting them rest for a bit until I can find something else.

 

I’ve had a very hectic and messy week, there’s just been a shit ton at work and at home.

I have been sexually harassed at work by the guy that sits next to me at work for the past 7 months, and earlier this week I found out he harassed another woman too and that was it for me, that was the last straw.

See I didn’t go to the HR because I didn’t think they would take me seriously. Knowing me own family didn’t take me seriously about my trauma, I figured; why would they?

Turns out they do take it seriously. She went to the HR and so did I, and he is not allowed to come back to the office until everything is investigated and sorted out. He wasn’t at the office, and as I told the board today during the meeting about my experience, today was the first time I didn’t feel uncomfortable and unsafe at work since I started working there, which was freeing.

 

I hope neither me nor my colleague has to see him ever again, and I hope karma hits him hard sooner rather than later.

 

Moving on to something more positive

 

 

SHAZAM! HAS BEEN RELEASED AND I’VE ALREADY WATCHED IT TWICE AT THE CINEMA!

When I say my eyes got teary from pride when I finished watching it, I’m not exaggerating.  I’m such a proud fan of DC Comics! Holy shit, you did so well, David Sandberg. So well!

 

If you haven’t watch it yet, YOU HAVE TO. If you wanna watch ONE superhero movie this year, watch SHAZAM!.

It was so well thought, so neatly planned and performed. I applaud you, Zachary Levi, for bringing one of the coolest and most hilarious and badass superheroes come to life.

 

 

I cut my hair yesterday, I’ll show you what it looks like now in a minute.

 

XOXO

Ozzy

 

 

Loosing you while you’re still mine

Late night thoughts as I find myself unable to express myself

 

Loosing you while you’re still mine

 

XOXO

Ozzy

Where do you draw the line?

Hi baby!

How has your first week of 2019 been? Full of hopes and dreams I hope. Mine? meh. I managed to catch a cold ( ofcourse). My first week has been filled with nothing but stuffed noses, coughing and arguing. And I don’t like it.

This has literally been me the whole day

I managed to drink some tea and down a few bites of food. I hate being sick and I hate having to rest. -.-

Alright.

Where do you draw the line, baby? When someone dear to you doesn’t accept that there are some things you simply aren’t okay with, where do you draw the line?

Also, an advice from me to whomever needs it: If you hurt someones feelings and they matter to you, don’t apologize over text. If you can, call the person. It’s not that difficult and it makes your apology a lot more sincere. Call the person to apologize, call them later again to see how they are, call them just to hear their voice. What is it with this generation and wanting to do everything over text? Hearing someone’s voice makes such a difference, plus it makes your words a lot more sincere.
Now if the person doesn’t pick up, sure; text them. If they don’t pick up: Don’t just drop it! You need to make sure that, that person receives your words.

Now if you did apologize over text, wait a couple of hours/until the evening and then call the person just to make sure they know you meant it. There’s nothing lousier than being hurt and then receive an apology text and that’s it. Like it’s all jolly good again. It’s not. It looks like you thought”Ugh I fucked up. Whatever let’s just send a text or something”, And let me tell you why that’s horrible: It makes the receiver feel SO unimportant.

So don’t be an asshole and don’t just drop it after a mere apology text. Let that person know you care and still value their feelings.

That’s my “don’t be a dick” advice for the week. ^^

Moving on to less meh topics: I forgot to show you what I bought during the end-of-year sales

 

I’ve tried most of the stuff in the left photo, I did accidentally get the wrong Max Fix+ Spray though, I meant to get the Matte version but whatever. The NYX foundations are actually pretty good. I do recommend that you moisturize around your nose and lips before you apply it because it got very dry and started to crack around there (Keep in mind I have very oily skin). The Maybelline concealer was bomb and because it wasn’t so expensive you could get two different shades to mix in case you can’t find your exact shade ( like me).

Also holy shit I am so excited for spring time to come so that I can wear the blazer out.

 

Well, I’m off to make some more tea, watch a movie or maybe continue studying while being annoyed by my stuffed nose and the lack of phonecalls.

XOXO

Ozzy

The power of pain

Getting hurt but someone you trusted yet still wanting to talk to them because you miss them…is a tough one.

What do you do, Baby?

Why is some stuff not obvious to some people? Why do some stuff have to be explained?

Why cant they just know what you need to hear? Why won’t they try and call?

Why are people so complicated, My little cupcake?

Why do we miss them when it feels like they dont miss us?

Why?

Photo: fanart of Destiel. Credit to the artist.

Xoxo

Ozzy

Ending my self-care day

Hi baby!

How was your day? I hope the start of the week was kind to you. You know I hate it when the day’s hard work puts a frown on that pretty face ^^

I spent most of my day resting to shake off all the asthma attacks and studying for my driver’s license.

I’m ending the day with a 24K gold face mask

 

Because the nightmares are what caused the asthma attacks, I’m gonna try my hardest to not sleep tonight. I don’t wanna see them and I don’t want the attacks so… I’ve downed a 473 ml Redbull in hopes of getting some energy. I’m gonna drink some turkish coffee in an hour or two when the Redbull looses it’s affect on me.

It sounds crazy, I am very well aware, but seeing the same horrific thing over and over again is almost unbearable. I’m being told to go and get some help over and over again but you know I can’t do that. You know me, baby. You know I can’t

It’s getting late over here, if you’re in Sweden, you should get ready for bed, baby. You need to sleep and get some rest. ❤

I’ll talk to you tomorrow, okay?

Goodnight.

 

XOXO

Ozzy

Up and Running- Ish

Hi baby!

I’m so very sorry for being away for so long, you know it wasn’t on purpose. You know I always come back as soon as I can ^^

Okay so to recap: The last month has been kind of…crazy.

I started off oktober being boo’d up which was nice.  I’ll tell you more about him in the future.

The rest of the month was basically me being at the ER over and over again with my tailbone being in a lot of pain, which turned out to be a cyst. Thankfully I did not need surgery and it’s finally all better now…almost. I still can’t sleep on my back but other that I’m all glued up and can finally function again. It was reaaally painful though, I could barely walk without being in pain so I had to be on a lot of painkillers; at some point I had to be on 3 different types of morphine at the same time for it to be bearable.

After being misdiagnosed 2-3 times and being told different things, they finally figured ut the problem and I was given the right meds.

So, the last couple of weeks have basically just been about trying to heal and not make my tailbone worse.

Today however I chose to stay at home from work. My nightmares have been more frequent lately and I woke up in tears last night followed by a couple of asthma attacks so today is a self-care day. The nightmares are usually the same, the ones you know, and a few new ones. And yes, having a relationship does have a thing to do with a couple of those new ones but hopefully I’m wrong for once and boo is right.

 

How was your week? Are you as excited about payday as I am, ahah? Bitches best believe my ass is gonna buy all them holiday make up collections as soon as I get paid haha.

We are halfway through november now, how has this year been so far? How has the ups and downs been? Me? oh baby I am so done with this year, I can’t wait for it to end. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had some lovely ups like my niece Sinem being born, meting boo, switching jobs, quitting my job as a bartender at Clarion, but I’ve also had some horrible downs like being on the verge of loosing our home and having to move, the brain concussion, and cyst and asthma attacks…and so I can’t wait for next year to come.

I’m gonna try to update the other blog soon enough, I promise. I’m stuck with a small part of chapter 3 in a story I’m writing so as soon as I’ve finished it, it’s gonna go up. I’ve kind of had to focus on studying for my driver’s license so I’m gonna try to finish it soon enough.

I’ll talk to you later, baby.

XoXo

Ozzy

 

 

 

 

 

Moving out in and in

Hi baby!

I have been away for a few weeks, I know. I’m sorry! In my defence, I was moving ^^.

We have now moved out of the apartment and have now moved into the apartment we bought. Knowing that I now own a 4 room apartment in Stockholm without having it handed to me on a silver platter makes me very proud. We all know that one person that posts pictures of the keys to their new apartment which was bought to them by their parents and served on a silver platter. We ALL know that person and the all famous “Finally got the keys to my apartment. Feeling blessed!” SNS post haha. And we all know how full of shit those people are.
This apartment wasn’t handed to me, it wasn’t bought for me and it certainly had nothing to do with luck or being blessed. This apartment was bought with hard work and a shit ton of stress and planning. Never underestimate your hard work. Fuck that!

 

That’s right. Even though buying an apartment wasn’t a part of my plans for my future, I am very proud to be a 23 years old and be the youngest owner of a home in my entire family. It probably pisses off some people to know that I accomplished that without being married and without having a man in my life to do all that for me. At this point, I even think my dad and my family thinks I hate men, won’t marry and  probably worship the devil. And no, I don’t hate men, I don’t hate the idea of marriage and I don’t pray to Satan. I just value building up my own life and growing up as a person before a relationship and having kids. That will probably come in the future I bet, I just don’t base my entire existence on it.

The apartment was a mess like I told you earlier so we got it renovated. It looks a lot better now but I haven’t had the time to take some “after” pictures yet so I can’t show it to you yet. I’ll make sure to take some photos and post them here so you can see it all for yourself. ^^ We didn’t redo EVERYTHING because that would be too expensive but we got new floors in one of the bedrooms, the hallway and had ALL the walls and ceilings repainted.

Me and my mom scrubbed the entire kitchen with chlorine to get all the dirt, fat and dust off and because it took us hours to make it decently clean, our fingertips were burning for the next 3 days. So, in order to avoid the same results, I hired a cleaning company to come on thursday next week to clean the house form all the nastiness. I’m expecting the entire apartment to smell like a swimmingpool area haha!

Seeing how dirty and nasty the apartment is at the moment ( and it was worse before)  I really do wonder how the family that sold it lived here like that. Did no one care to get rid of the dust, the fat stains on the doors and shelves or to simply vacuum?

What else? Oh, the apartment is almost completely empty at the moment too. We have ordered new furniture including new kitchen table and chairs, a new couch, a new bed and new wardrobes for mom and my baby sister. We even ordered new carpets and TV stands. You’re probably thinking “why the hell waste all that money on the stuff” so let me tell you why:  During the time that we lived in the previous apartment, we were forced to ONLY use the owners furniture upon his demand. So we pretty much HAD to buy new stuff. Apart from that, because we lived three people in a 1 bedroom apartment, I didn’t have any place to put a bed and therefore; didn’t have one. I slept on two mattresses stacked up on each other which was fine by me. However, because we now have a home big enough for everyone to have their own bedroom, I thought it was time for me to have a real bed; and by real bed I mean one with a headboard and shit! I’ve never had a bed with a headboard before mainly because I didn’t like them but also because I thought they were pointless and took up too much space. My room is decently big now so I figured it would be cool to have one.  All the furniture will be delivered on the 20th and I’m hella excited to build some Ikea furniture ahahah! Do you enjoy building too, baby? I think it’s fun!

This whole moving thing has been very stressful and tiring but also very educational; I did some grown up stuff that I never thought I had do to; such as buying floors, changing fuse plug thingys for the electricity and buy a dishwasher and a stove. WHO BUYS A DAMN STOVE? Also, I had NO IDEA about how many different versions there were; Touch screen, non touch screen, 400 V version, 220-240 V version, different materials of the actual stove, stainless steel or in white etc. I mean holy shit! Also, I had no idea there were different decibel ranges you had to look for when buying a dishwasher… like, it’s a dishwasher?! Apparently anything above 46 db is gonna be too loud if it’s on while you’re sleeping. I mean, who knew that was so important? Apart from this madness, if the stove’s touch sensor breaks/stops working after the warranty has passed, YOU PRETTY MUCH HAVE TO BUY A NEW FUCKING STOVE BECAUSE IT MOST PROBABLY WON’T BE FIXABLE? Ain’t nobody got time for that!
Therefore, I got a non-touch stove and a dishwasher with a 42-44 db range and this is probably the most grown up thing I have ever done so far besides changing fuses.

Moving on, How was your halloween??
I didn’t do much but the amusement park in Stockholm called Gröna Lund had a halloween themed week with 4 new haunted houses besides the one that’s always there.

If you live in Stockholm, did you go? I want with Nessie.
It wasn’t scary much but it was fun nonetheless. The zombie zone and the Olustiga Huset with all the killer clowns was really well made. Also, don’t take my word for it, I have no soul and find horror movies amusing so it wasn’t probably scary to people who has souls and are…human. They claimed that there was gonna be zombies and stuff walking around freely around the park but that did happen which was kind of disappointing.

That’s pretty much it, I think.

Oh, did you hear that BTS is gonna perform on the AMA’s? I AM SO FUCING PROUD. Having been a fan since their debut, I am so fucking proud and hope they perform FIRE to show how a performance is REALLY done.!! ❤

If you have been living under a rock, click Here to watch the music video.

Also, have you seen Monsta X’s comeback music video yet? The song is called Dramarama is it pretty fucking good!! Click Here to see it!

I’ll post more soon. Be careful, don’t catch a cold and don’t forget that this soulless devil is always here for you if you need it.

XOXO

Ozzy.