It’s almost Friday…Almost…

Hi baby!

How was your day? Yes, you. I’ve missed your smile^^

Me? I’m very sleepy but my baby came back home from his murderously long vacation and I got to spend time with him yesterday so I feel so much better now. I had gotten used to not having him around but I realized how much I had actually missed him when I noticed how nervous I was to see him again. You know me, I rarely ever get nervous, but I was freezing and sweating at the same time while I was on my way to him. Sshhh…Don’t tell him though. ^^

I went to Tezukuri Sushi last friday with Ceylan…The food was bomb! It was ridiculously expensive but the food was really nice^^


We had a bottle of wine…to start with. The wine was so nice but we couldn’t find it online to order :/



We ended the night with aaaalot more alcohol^^



Anyways…It’s Tuesday now, well it’s Wednesday since it’s 3 am, and I can’t wait for it to be the weekend. oh my god I am sooo done with this year, it really can’t end soon enough. I will murder something if not myself if 2019 turns out to be worse. I’m planning on moving around april so who knows, it might not be so bad after all….Except we all know…with my bad luck it wouldn’t surprise me if shit hit the fan anyway. We shall see.

I have to try to get some sleep ’cause apparently humans don’t function without it.. -.- my nightmares have been acting up lately and it sucks. I’m telling you, sweetiepie, I am sooo done with this year. Ugh.

Goodnight baby





Ending my self-care day

Hi baby!

How was your day? I hope the start of the week was kind to you. You know I hate it when the day’s hard work puts a frown on that pretty face ^^

I spent most of my day resting to shake off all the asthma attacks and studying for my driver’s license.

I’m ending the day with a 24K gold face mask



Because the nightmares are what caused the asthma attacks, I’m gonna try my hardest to not sleep tonight. I don’t wanna see them and I don’t want the attacks so… I’ve downed a 473 ml Redbull in hopes of getting some energy. I’m gonna drink some turkish coffee in an hour or two when the Redbull looses it’s affect on me.

It sounds crazy, I am very well aware, but seeing the same horrific thing over and over again is almost unbearable. I’m being told to go and get some help over and over again but you know I can’t do that. You know me, baby. You know I can’t :/

It’s getting late over here, if you’re in Sweden, you should get ready for bed, baby. You need to sleep and get some rest. ❤

I’ll talk to you tomorrow, okay?





Up and Running- Ish

Hi baby!

I’m so very sorry for being away for so long, you know it wasn’t on purpose. You know I always come back as soon as I can ^^

Okay so to recap: The last month has been kind of…crazy.

I started off oktober being boo’d up which was nice.  I’ll tell you more about him in the future.

The rest of the month was basically me being at the ER over and over again with my tailbone being in a lot of pain, which turned out to be a cyst. Thankfully I did not need surgery and it’s finally all better now…almost. I still can’t sleep on my back but other that I’m all glued up and can finally function again. It was reaaally painful though, I could barely walk without being in pain so I had to be on a lot of painkillers; at some point I had to be on 3 different types of morphine at the same time for it to be bearable.


After being misdiagnosed 2-3 times and being told different things, they finally figured ut the problem and I was given the right meds.

So, the last couple of weeks have basically just been about trying to heal and not make my tailbone worse.

Today however I chose to stay at home from work. My nightmares have been more frequent lately and I woke up in tears last night followed by a couple of asthma attacks so today is a self-care day. The nightmares are usually the same, the ones you know, and a few new ones. And yes, having a relationship does have a thing to do with a couple of those new ones but hopefully I’m wrong for once and boo is right.



How was your week? Are you as excited about payday as I am, ahah? Bitches best believe my ass is gonna buy all them holiday make up collections as soon as I get paid haha.

We are halfway through november now, how has this year been so far? How has the ups and downs been? Me? oh baby I am so done with this year, I can’t wait for it to end. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had some lovely ups like my niece Sinem being born, meting boo, switching jobs, quitting my job as a bartender at Clarion, but I’ve also had some horrible downs like being on the verge of loosing our home and having to move, the brain concussion, and cyst and asthma attacks…and so I can’t wait for next year to come.

I’m gonna try to update the other blog soon enough, I promise. I’m stuck with a small part of chapter 3 in a story I’m writing so as soon as I’ve finished it, it’s gonna go up. I’ve kind of had to focus on studying for my driver’s license so I’m gonna try to finish it soon enough.

I’ll talk to you later, baby.








Calling in sick

Hi baby~~

How are you today? I hope the sun shined just the way I know you like it. What did you do today?

Me? Well, I called in sick, I’ll tell you all about it next time. long story short; extreme asthma attacks…
I know what you’re gonna say: Why did they come back? I know, I’ve spent almost a years or two without any major asthma attacks.. I went to see a doctor and apparently the combination of two full-time jobs, insomnia and minimum rest isn’t optimal. Something very specific triggered an asthma attack and it all went sideways from there. I was told to not work for at least 2-3 days to let my body recover. I’m not as shaky anymore but I am feeling a little heavy still.

I’ll be fine though, it’s just gonna take a couple of days and then I’ll be all good 🙂



I promised you a photo of my latest creation “Slow Sex Cocktail” so here we go




Here’s a photo of a different version of the Summertime Cocktail, I named it Summertime Naked Cocktail, because it’s the Summertime Cocktail without the extra bubbles:





Well, I’m off to wash the makeup off of my face and then try to get some sleep, which has been a difficult task lately since my insomnia has been back… :/


Goodnight, sweetiepie. Sleep tight^^



Here we go again

Hi baby!

I have been stuck with so much to do and so much is changing that I haven’t been able to write to you. I’m very sorry about that! I really am, baby. How has your day been? Did you get to sleep in? I know you enjoy that extra hour of sleep during the weekends. ^^
What did you have for breakfast? Was it deli deli? ❤

First thing first, I solved my computer-no-longer-functioning issue; I bought a new computer. I had my Macbook for around 5 years and it was definitely time to get a new one. The buttons were no longer working and it refused to turn on from time to time so getting work done was like a freaking Mission Impossible movie. Soooo I’m very happy about my new computer. I got the Lenovo Ideapad 330 with the 8th gen. Core i5 so it runs pretty smoothly. I was gonna get the i7 but I really wanted the Ideapad 330 and they didn’t have it in store at the time so I settled for i5. It’s still pretty good though.

Alright, what’s next? Oh, I got a new daytime job, aka full-time job. I hope this place is less racist and box-minded but we shall find out. So far they seem like a nice company that focuses on sustainability and the environment. I’ll let you know the name of the company in the future if I end up liking it.

Guess who’s Insomnia is back in town? yupp, that’s right. I haven’t had a good night sleep in a couple of days now and I feel like a fucking elephant.



IIIII ended up at the hospital…



After my surgery and my constant visitations to the ER in 2015, I promised I would do whatever it takes to not go back to the hospital ever again. Well…2 years later shit happened and I ended up at the hospital again…last week. Conclusion: Minor concussion. -.- I’d like to also add that what happened was not my doing nor my fault, thank you very much.

It sucked and I was disoriented and nauseous for a few days but being forced to stay home on my doctor’s orders, I was able to make some time to hang out with my babies^^


On that note, let’s move on to some nicer topics^^

Here are some of the cocktails I’ve been serving during my part time bartender job at K&T Norrmalm


The names from top left: The Pornstar Martini, Raspberry Daquiri with a twist
The cocktails in the middle row are my own creations: Pink Thongs (Left), Summertime (right)
The bottom row: Blood and sand ( Left), The Stinger ( right)

I did also create an absolutely delicious cocktail but didn’t have enough good lighting to take a photo of it. I’ll make it during my next shift and take a photo of it for you, love. I named it Slow Sex though ^^.

I’d like to inform you of a few of the nicknames I have received in the bar such as Startender, Free Pour Queen and Queentender. I like queentender and free pour queen the best^^.

A lot of things are happening at the moment and because of it I haven’t been able to hit the gym in a while which is a problem because it feels like I’m loosing muscle and gaining like 5 kg every day ( which is obviously not true) but it feels like it :/

New job, new colleagues, new people. A lot of new shit it going on but I’ll let you in on it as we move on and as I know more ^^ 🙂

I’ll talk to you later baby ❤







Hi baby!

I am so sorry for my absense. I surprisingly do have logical reasons as to why I’ve been away for so long. I’m still very sorry ofcourse.

Let’s catch up, yes? How have you been? Are you okay?

If I haven’t told you, which I probably already have, I switched from the restaurant to the Bar at the hotel I’m working part-time at. I grew very tired of the waitresses ganging up om other people that work there, talk behind each other and cause drama. It’s like a fucking kindergarden! The members of the bar staff are alot more chill, helpful and nice.

I ALSO happen to have become an aunt, again, which makes me super happy!

My older sister ( closest older sister by age) gave birth to another beautiful baby girl. I went over to the hospital as soon as she told me she was heading there and stayed by her side throughout the entire day. Her husband had to take care of their other daughter so I became her doula ( In turkish we call it “Ebe”). In the western culture that also makes me her godmother.
I wanna show you a picture but I’m a bit worried about mal-intent and people wishing bad luck so I’m gonna wait a bit longer until I post a photo of her. Mashallah though, she is the most beautiful baby ever. EVER.

Not all of my news are so jolly though. The company I work at are having some financial issues this year so I had a meeting with my boss before my vacation in June. I told her about my worries and explained that I rather skip ny vacation and stay in Sweden to look for new jobs if I am to loose my job along the 6 other people that had been put off work due to this. This troubled me because in Sweden, the companies that are bound to the governmental employment laws, they have to fire the employees in the order which they hired them. Bascially it means last one in is the first one to go. And because Im the last one in at our department, I was a bit worried.

Nonetheless, she guaranteed no such thing was planned and if it were to happen, it wouldn’t be until after the summer. Therefore, I went on with my day and went on my vacation. Guess what happened? I was welcomed back with a letter that said I was put off work with a 30 days resignation notice. The letter was written by the racist and shitty CEO who couldn’t even care enough to spell my name right. I was mad, nontheless, and made damn sure she knew that. Every logical person knows companies dont hire during the summer. Knowing this, they chose to fire me and doomed me to unemployment… -.-

Now I know I have the parttime job to keep myself floating until I find something new but this entire thing was so unprofessionally handled! Ugh-.-

Anyways, Im on my way home to rest; Im working 12 hours tomorrow.




Hi baby!

Im so sorry for my absence being this long. I have honestly been meaning to update you for a while now but something always got in the way.

I did mean to update you yesterday but once I sat down infront of my computer I realised how exhausted I was. Therefore, Im updating you now instead.

Not alot of changes has happened; I’m still working two jobs and all that.

We celebrated my sister’s birthday yesterday which turned out pretty okay. I dont know we celebrated it a month ahead since her birthday is in june but my dads wife was the one to pick the date and not alot of her actions make sense so…

Anyways, I made the cupcakes for the party

We had a pink and white theme so I made the frosting pink and the sugar roses white^^

Moving on, I have been feeling quite stuck in my pole fitness development; everything but one trick is mastered and so I emailed the studio and asked for advice, wondering if it is possible to move up a level but also take the focus classes that focuses on the trick I can’t do. Not only was the reply a big no, I received an essay long response about how it’s my fault since I probably am not putting in alot of effort during the classes. I was also told Im making myself a victim by telling her was has been going wrong during her classes that I was present in since I felt that I didnt get the help and guidence I needed.

Keep in mind I never once called her a bad instructor; I did however point out that she didnt focus on the students that already knew most of the tricks. She took that as an offence, I assume.

That pissed me off so much that I chose not to reply after that. Nothing I say would make a difference at that point.

So, I will probably start looking for a new studio which isn’t necessarily a bad thing.

Time for breakfast

I’ll talk to you later!

Have an awesome day, my sweetheart 🙂



Weeks passing by

Hi baby!

How has the week been for you? I do hope it has been kind. For me? It has been fair. I do however worry that I might be catching a cold again.

Im working double shifts to day, first at Cellip and then at The Clarion, so 14 hours ish. The more I work late hours the more I miss Korea and working at Hooters. Being the unlucky fuck that I am, all my photos of me at hooters disappeared with my phone that got stolen back in 2016 :/ I didn’t even think to upload the photos on any of my SNS accounts or to simply save them om my computer. Well well… :/

I officially topped my PR in regular Deadlifts with 72 KG. Therefore, I am now deadlifting above my own weight. It really is time to invest in a new liftingbelt, isn’t it? ^^

Well, if you’re in Stockholm I need to warm you, it’s -11°C right now. If you live in a place much colder than that, please be careful. Wear an extra layer of clothes and drick lots of hot liquids 🙂




Hi baby!

How was le weekend? Mine was aight; we celebrated mama’s birthday at Friday’s

I had the steak with sweetpotatofries and red whine^^

What I really wanted to share was the fact that I donated blood yesterday. Im not saying that because I want a pat on the back, Ive already done that^^ im saying that because if you can and you have to possibility, please do donate.

This is my third time donating and I’m telling you, it’s worth it. Every single drop is gonna go to save a life.

If you live in Sweden, you can find the information for donations on



Monday. Again.

Hi baby!

Its monday and that means work. It amazing how such a reoccurring event can fill you with such hate. Even though I’m used to the inevitable, I still go “ugh it’s monday tomorrow” every sunday as if that might change haha😂

Have you seen Shape of Water yet? Im gonna go see it on wednesday with my mama and babysis. We were planing on watching it during next weekend for mama’s birthday but the movie theatre in Sweden, SF bio, made a shitty deal with resulted in the movie only being shown for 2 weeks here. So wednesday it is. Im hoping it’s worth the international hype it’s gotten seeing as it has 13 Oscars nominations and all^^

Oh, and I got my period yesterday so my uterus feels like a warzone. Pain is a heavy understatement hahahh^^

Im on my way to work but I’ll check in again later^^