Hi baby!

I am so sorry for my absense. I surprisingly do have logical reasons as to why I’ve been away for so long. I’m still very sorry ofcourse.

Let’s catch up, yes? How have you been? Are you okay?

If I haven’t told you, which I probably already have, I switched from the restaurant to the Bar at the hotel I’m working part-time at. I grew very tired of the waitresses ganging up om other people that work there, talk behind each other and cause drama. It’s like a fucking kindergarden! The members of the bar staff are alot more chill, helpful and nice.

I ALSO happen to have become an aunt, again, which makes me super happy!

My older sister ( closest older sister by age) gave birth to another beautiful baby girl. I went over to the hospital as soon as she told me she was heading there and stayed by her side throughout the entire day. Her husband had to take care of their other daughter so I became her doula ( In turkish we call it “Ebe”). In the western culture that also makes me her godmother.
I wanna show you a picture but I’m a bit worried about mal-intent and people wishing bad luck so I’m gonna wait a bit longer until I post a photo of her. Mashallah though, she is the most beautiful baby ever. EVER.

Not all of my news are so jolly though. The company I work at are having some financial issues this year so I had a meeting with my boss before my vacation in June. I told her about my worries and explained that I rather skip ny vacation and stay in Sweden to look for new jobs if I am to loose my job along the 6 other people that had been put off work due to this. This troubled me because in Sweden, the companies that are bound to the governmental employment laws, they have to fire the employees in the order which they hired them. Bascially it means last one in is the first one to go. And because Im the last one in at our department, I was a bit worried.

Nonetheless, she guaranteed no such thing was planned and if it were to happen, it wouldn’t be until after the summer. Therefore, I went on with my day and went on my vacation. Guess what happened? I was welcomed back with a letter that said I was put off work with a 30 days resignation notice. The letter was written by the racist and shitty CEO who couldn’t even care enough to spell my name right. I was mad, nontheless, and made damn sure she knew that. Every logical person knows companies dont hire during the summer. Knowing this, they chose to fire me and doomed me to unemployment… -.-

Now I know I have the parttime job to keep myself floating until I find something new but this entire thing was so unprofessionally handled! Ugh-.-

Anyways, Im on my way home to rest; Im working 12 hours tomorrow.





Hi baby!

Im so sorry for my absence being this long. I have honestly been meaning to update you for a while now but something always got in the way.

I did mean to update you yesterday but once I sat down infront of my computer I realised how exhausted I was. Therefore, Im updating you now instead.

Not alot of changes has happened; I’m still working two jobs and all that.

We celebrated my sister’s birthday yesterday which turned out pretty okay. I dont know we celebrated it a month ahead since her birthday is in june but my dads wife was the one to pick the date and not alot of her actions make sense so…

Anyways, I made the cupcakes for the party

We had a pink and white theme so I made the frosting pink and the sugar roses white^^

Moving on, I have been feeling quite stuck in my pole fitness development; everything but one trick is mastered and so I emailed the studio and asked for advice, wondering if it is possible to move up a level but also take the focus classes that focuses on the trick I can’t do. Not only was the reply a big no, I received an essay long response about how it’s my fault since I probably am not putting in alot of effort during the classes. I was also told Im making myself a victim by telling her was has been going wrong during her classes that I was present in since I felt that I didnt get the help and guidence I needed.

Keep in mind I never once called her a bad instructor; I did however point out that she didnt focus on the students that already knew most of the tricks. She took that as an offence, I assume.

That pissed me off so much that I chose not to reply after that. Nothing I say would make a difference at that point.

So, I will probably start looking for a new studio which isn’t necessarily a bad thing.

Time for breakfast

I’ll talk to you later!

Have an awesome day, my sweetheart 🙂



Weeks passing by

Hi baby!

How has the week been for you? I do hope it has been kind. For me? It has been fair. I do however worry that I might be catching a cold again.

Im working double shifts to day, first at Cellip and then at The Clarion, so 14 hours ish. The more I work late hours the more I miss Korea and working at Hooters. Being the unlucky fuck that I am, all my photos of me at hooters disappeared with my phone that got stolen back in 2016 :/ I didn’t even think to upload the photos on any of my SNS accounts or to simply save them om my computer. Well well… :/

I officially topped my PR in regular Deadlifts with 72 KG. Therefore, I am now deadlifting above my own weight. It really is time to invest in a new liftingbelt, isn’t it? ^^

Well, if you’re in Stockholm I need to warm you, it’s -11°C right now. If you live in a place much colder than that, please be careful. Wear an extra layer of clothes and drick lots of hot liquids 🙂




Hi baby!

How was le weekend? Mine was aight; we celebrated mama’s birthday at Friday’s

I had the steak with sweetpotatofries and red whine^^

What I really wanted to share was the fact that I donated blood yesterday. Im not saying that because I want a pat on the back, Ive already done that^^ im saying that because if you can and you have to possibility, please do donate.

This is my third time donating and I’m telling you, it’s worth it. Every single drop is gonna go to save a life.

If you live in Sweden, you can find the information for donations on



Monday. Again.

Hi baby!

Its monday and that means work. It amazing how such a reoccurring event can fill you with such hate. Even though I’m used to the inevitable, I still go “ugh it’s monday tomorrow” every sunday as if that might change haha😂

Have you seen Shape of Water yet? Im gonna go see it on wednesday with my mama and babysis. We were planing on watching it during next weekend for mama’s birthday but the movie theatre in Sweden, SF bio, made a shitty deal with resulted in the movie only being shown for 2 weeks here. So wednesday it is. Im hoping it’s worth the international hype it’s gotten seeing as it has 13 Oscars nominations and all^^

Oh, and I got my period yesterday so my uterus feels like a warzone. Pain is a heavy understatement hahahh^^

Im on my way to work but I’ll check in again later^^



Small changes

Hi baby!

How was your weekend? I made sure to rest off the cold I had as good as possible. I alsoooo went to see The Greatest Showman at the theatre. If you haven’t seen it yet: please do. It was magical. It definitely was a breath of fresh air amongst the sea of sci-fi and high tech looking movies that are currently flooding the theatres.

The magic badass Zendaya and wonderful Zac Efron created was awe-inspiring. Words to describe how incredible Hugh Jackan was, are not even possible to find.

As an individual grown up belittled and bullied for not looking like the rest in my classmates and on the street, having been abused for being darker, having brown eyes and more hair on my body, I felt so out of the ordinarily proud to be different at that very moment.

I was even made fun of for my name. Haha people are assholes.

Seeing strong and uniquely beautiful people standing together and creating such incredibly inspiring songs makes me so damn proud.

I spent the better part of my life shamed for who I am and for what I look like and to sit there in the theatre and hear This Is Me by Keala Settle gave me goosebumps. Anyone can enjoy that song but the ones who know about the pain Im talking about will FEEL that song on a whole different level.

Therefore, if you haven’t seen it, please do. 🙂

Tomorrow Im gonna try to work at a restaurant between 19-22.30. If they like my performance and I feel comfortable, Im gonna pick up some extra shifts there.

I wanna be able to get rid of one of the two loans I currently have so that I can start studying.

It’s gonna be okay, it has to. I’ll make it happen~~



Horribly slow weeks

Hi baby!

It’s only tuesday and I already want this week to end.

I dont know why but Ive been feeling down since yesterday. Dont know why though. :/ probably some weird explanation to it but I’m sure it’ll pass soon 🙂



Almost February

Hi baby!

Can you believe it’s almost February? I mean holy shit haha!

Have you made any vacation plans for the summer yet? Something exciting or maybe just somewhere to relax?

Last year I did like I always do, I did the honourable thing and only took a minimum amount of vacation days while everyone else took freaking 5 weeks. So I said fuck it and requested 4 weeks (I want to save 5 days for later incase I need them). The problem is that vacation days are usually determined around March-april but the closer you get to the summer months, the more expensive it gets. So, i requested mine to be determined within the month. Hopefully they’ll let me have the days I wanted so that I can book my flight and all that as soon as possible.

In addition to that, I still have 5 days saved from last year. If I can, and I end up saving enough money for it, Im gonna try to visit korea for a week in March, but we’ll se about that later.

It’s really cold today over here. If it’s cold over there, do make sure to dress warmly. I dont want you to get sick or to catch a cold.



Promised update

Hi baby!

I know what you’re gonna say; I’m very well awake that it has taken forever for me to sent you an update. I really wanted to come back with the photos of the apartment like I promised and I never got a chance to take them so… You get it.

I am very sorry aaand I am here to offer my photos as a peace offering 🙂

Do keep in mind, my blueberry cheesecake, the apartment is still not finished. We still have a few more bits o furniture that needs to be assembled:

The hallway corner


Bedroom #1


Bedroom #2


Bedroom #3


The Livingroom – Before


The livingroom – After


The kitchen – Before


The Kitchen- After


And here is the view from our balcony


We repainted all the rooms in addition to laying down new floors in the hallway and bedroom number 2. It looked like shit earlier with bits and pieces falling off. The photos are poorly taken, I have 0 skills, but I hope they do justice to the amout of change our home went through.

Like I said earlier, it is no way near finished yet but I really do love it. It’s our own and knowing that it belongs to us and us only brings peace to me.

I’m gonna try to renovate the balcony, the kitchen and the bathrooms but that is gonna have to wait for now. ^^





Our shit arrives tomorrow 

Hi baby!

Yupp, the furniture finally arrives tomorrow! 

How was your weekend? Mine was chill; I babysat my niece^^

I think it’s time to get a haircut, what do you think?

I mean, it’s lovely and very nice to play with my it often gets in the way is taking up way too much time to care for. My hair growa pretty quick so Im not particularly attached to it ^^

I’ll make sure to take photos tomorrow to show you my new home.