Small changes

Hi baby!

How was your weekend? I made sure to rest off the cold I had as good as possible. I alsoooo went to see The Greatest Showman at the theatre. If you haven’t seen it yet: please do. It was magical. It definitely was a breath of fresh air amongst the sea of sci-fi and high tech looking movies that are currently flooding the theatres.

The magic badass Zendaya and wonderful Zac Efron created was awe-inspiring. Words to describe how incredible Hugh Jackan was, are not even possible to find.

As an individual grown up belittled and bullied for not looking like the rest in my classmates and on the street, having been abused for being darker, having brown eyes and more hair on my body, I felt so out of the ordinarily proud to be different at that very moment.

I was even made fun of for my name. Haha people are assholes.

Seeing strong and uniquely beautiful people standing together and creating such incredibly inspiring songs makes me so damn proud.

I spent the better part of my life shamed for who I am and for what I look like and to sit there in the theatre and hear This Is Me by Keala Settle gave me goosebumps. Anyone can enjoy that song but the ones who know about the pain Im talking about will FEEL that song on a whole different level.

Therefore, if you haven’t seen it, please do. 🙂

Tomorrow Im gonna try to work at a restaurant between 19-22.30. If they like my performance and I feel comfortable, Im gonna pick up some extra shifts there.

I wanna be able to get rid of one of the two loans I currently have so that I can start studying.

It’s gonna be okay, it has to. I’ll make it happen~~




Promised update

Hi baby!

I know what you’re gonna say; I’m very well awake that it has taken forever for me to sent you an update. I really wanted to come back with the photos of the apartment like I promised and I never got a chance to take them so… You get it.

I am very sorry aaand I am here to offer my photos as a peace offering 🙂

Do keep in mind, my blueberry cheesecake, the apartment is still not finished. We still have a few more bits o furniture that needs to be assembled:

The hallway corner


Bedroom #1


Bedroom #2


Bedroom #3


The Livingroom – Before


The livingroom – After


The kitchen – Before


The Kitchen- After


And here is the view from our balcony


We repainted all the rooms in addition to laying down new floors in the hallway and bedroom number 2. It looked like shit earlier with bits and pieces falling off. The photos are poorly taken, I have 0 skills, but I hope they do justice to the amout of change our home went through.

Like I said earlier, it is no way near finished yet but I really do love it. It’s our own and knowing that it belongs to us and us only brings peace to me.

I’m gonna try to renovate the balcony, the kitchen and the bathrooms but that is gonna have to wait for now. ^^





Our shit arrives tomorrow 

Hi baby!

Yupp, the furniture finally arrives tomorrow! 

How was your weekend? Mine was chill; I babysat my niece^^

I think it’s time to get a haircut, what do you think?

I mean, it’s lovely and very nice to play with my it often gets in the way is taking up way too much time to care for. My hair growa pretty quick so Im not particularly attached to it ^^

I’ll make sure to take photos tomorrow to show you my new home. 



New tatt

Hi baby!

I got a New tattoo done last Friday. It was painful but a more so powerful moment for me. 

2.5 years of waiting and I now have lucifer on my neck, reminding me to never fall for his games. And to never let others mistake me for anything but what I am; brutal and cruel yet also fair and loyal.

[Never forget the evil that lies within you rather than the one waiting for you below your feet. Never forget it so that you may never follow it’s wishes]

And here is the finished work.

It took a total of 5 hours and lots of grunting and shaking in pain. I did not cry and fought through it. Big thanks to Kevin from Ant Tattoo who made it so fucking dope. You can find him on insta at @kewinoart 

I definitely recommend that you check that place out; they are one of the most crazy and welcoming tattoo artists I have ever met. 



Computer still not cooperating

Hi baby!

How are you? My computer is still not cooperating with me -.-

The weather is shitty but I like it, how is it over there? I’m trying to keep my energy up so I can practice for those tests I mentioned earlier but they really are boring. Aa if that wasnt enough, I had some intense back pain these last couple of days so I stayed away from the gym until I subdued. I.REALLY.WANNA.GO.TO.THE.GYM.

On a different note, I’m wearing the shirt Nessie got me from Turkey

It says “Females are strong as well”


Apparently we have to move out asap because the guy who rented it to us wants it back… so no more stalling; we need to find a place that we are happy with and buy it. -.-

Im gonna go watch The Dark Tower today, btw. Have you seen it yet? I cant wait! Idris Elba😍


Blood donation

Hi baby!

I donated blood for the second time ever today~

I am very proud of myself for doing it and will keeo doing so until I am too old to. In Sweden, Only 2% of the population donated blood :/

If you are physically able to and want to make a small difference, please donate blood; it could save someones life.
I ordered a bunch of korean skincare masks and a new bottle of setting spray and they arrived today

If you have oily skin, I highly recommended the Etude House Skin Note Pore Tightening mask. I have never tried the innisfree ones so I cant say much about them yet. 

Ps. I order all of my skincare from ebay: same product, no shioping fee~~^^



My computer is having a moment

Hi baby!

Im so sorry for my absence. I have been stubbornly trying to post through my computer but it is refusing to cooperate so I have been unable to post anything. Enough is enough and I am now back on my phone. 

I have a lot on my plate lately. I decided to help my dad, for some unknown reason, with a few of his business issues which will be solved if I start an identical company an move over all of our assets from the current company to the new one. Sooo, I have to take a few tests to get some sort of permission to open a new company, 7 tests to be exact. I have also, aside from all this, started choreographing again. 

So besides my own work, gym and dance, I now have two other business issues on my plate.

Maja, a friend, told me she has booked tickets to korea for a month in oktober with a friend, and she ofcourse told me AFTERWARDS, adding a “you should totally join us”. Sure, let me join you when you have already booked everything and made plans…again. she did the same thing last year. But nontheless, I have friends in Korea that I miss so I decided to join them for the last two weeks (I have tickets to Rolling Stones on the 12th of oktober and I cant miss that) . I hope it turns out to be fun though… I’ll be hella mad if they leave me out, seeing as I am staying at a different place and all. 

Who knows, I can still cancel all the bookings, so no promises made yet. I just dont wanna fly all the way there just to be bored…

Oh well.


Pre vacay todo-lists

Hi baby!

How was your day? Tomorrow is midsummer’s day in Sweden so I’m off work. Our teamleader for our department is on vacation so I have taken her place until she comes back. 

Im on my way home now, finally.

The ramazan celebrations begin on Sunday so I have to remember to repaint my nails, dress up and go visit the elders. Mom is gonna make lasagne so Im hella excited. I only eat my mom’s lasagne because no one else can even get close to hers. 

On another note, summer vacation is around the corner and I still haven’t bought everything I need…like sunscreen, a proper bikini set and an everyday bag. Because I always use my gym back, I don’t own regular every day bags for shit that doesn’t involve the gym. 😀 

Oh and I forgot to tell you yesterday; I can donate blood in August again so I can do my lucifer tattoo and my wonderwoman tattoo after that. 

Do you enjoy korean dramas? I just finished watching She Was Pretty from 2015 and oh my god was is not adorable and so so sweet. And ofcorse, the male lead actor had to be handsome to the point of no return.^^

You should watch it if you haven’t, sweetie ~~!

Oh and have you checked out Monsta X’s comeback song, shine forever? It was such a good song and the music video was even more so. I dont understand why they don’t distribute the lyrics more fairly but.. oh well.

Then again, BTS’ lyrics are almost never fairly distributed either, which is odd seeing as they ALL have powerful and beautiful voices.. :/



Comparing yourself- dont do it.

Hi baby!

Today was a super chill day. I mostly rested and wrote some on my new story. 

Its midnight at the moment and I caught my reflection in the window

I have been disliking the way my body has been looking lately. The reason for that is because: I ususally look up a lot of fitness accounts on Instagram for workout tips but as time went by, instead of being insprited, I started comparing myself with these mega-fit-no-ounce-of-fat-body women… almost to the point where all I saw waa what was “wrong” with my body instead of what was “good”. Instead of appreciating my strength and my muscular thighs, all I saw was the lack of abs, my not so defined biceps and still giggly inner thighs… and I started to hate it. Even though I’m not “cured” yet (because hating on my body which I dedicated sweat and pain to build feels like a sickness) I was very proud of what I caught sight of in the window. 

This is just a temporary sickness, I still am very proud of my body. I just need to learn to not compare myself to the fitness people I fallow. 

Anyways, how was your saturday, my cupcake? I really hope you got some rest and remembered to eat well. You know I hate it when you ignore your health. 

Sleep tight, sweetiepie. 



Unplaned Haitus

Hi baby!


How are you? Me? don’t even ask, to be honest.
Alot of shit went down last week, a huge decision to make was dumped in my lap and it messed with my head big time.
Long story short; I had to choose whether to help someone else and put myself in the same position or to not help the other person but….
Because I was left to decide what the fuck to do, I was unable to sleep, unable to focus at work and it messed with my appetite.
The fact that I even had to make a decision as such… was shit.

I’m hoping for a better week this week.

I had on black lipstick on yesterday for the first day and I was kind of living for it



On less negative news, I have now booked my summer vacation with my mom. We’re going home ^^. Turkey, Antalya to be specific. We have booked place at a beautiful Spa resort called Porto Bello Hotel. 5 stars and all inclusive babyy!

I took 2 weeks off but the vacay with momma is only 1 days ish so I might have some time and cash left to take a weekend vacay somewhere quick.

speaking of which… I miss Korea..


Fitness Update:

I am the strongest I have ever been at the moment. I squat 90 kgs. I have one week left before my birthday so next week saturday is my due date to hit 100 kgs
I will fucking make it happen!

I have actually decided to not go to the bootcamp. There’s 2 weeks left of the bootcamp however because I have a one hour travel distance…I end up hating the idea of working out. Because I don’t wanna end of disliking working out, I have chosen to go back to just going to the gym 6 times a week instead. Doing what I love, you know.