Hope your weekend went well. Mine was eventless and calm which was very much appreciated. I spent most of it planning the upcoming week’s study schedule so I don’t fall behind on that. It makes the exams a lot easier when I remain on top of all the study material.
This first period (Jan-March) I’m going a master course on social problems regarding kids and youth along side a master course on organisation and leadership. I’ve also for some unknown reason decided to start learning AWS cloud computing as if what I had on my plate wasn’t enough.
During the second period (March-May) I’ll be doing a master course on alcohol and narcotics along side a master course on evidence baser social work. That’s gonna be fun!
Here’s a song to help you along the week and to help you heal. It helps me. ^^
My favourite part of the lyrics is this bit:
“On days I hate being myself, days I want to disappear forever Let’s make a door in your heart Open the door and this place will await It’s okay to believe, the Magic Shop will comfort you
While drinking a glass of hot tea And looking up at the Milky Way You’ll be alright, oh, this here is the Magic Shop”
How has your weekend been? Did you get to rest a bit?
My weekend went by well. Knowing my master courses begin on Monday, I made sure to rest as much as possible. I did plan the upcoming weeks study-work balance so I have enough time set aside for studying. I wanted to start watching Kinn Porsche this weekend by I’m in one of those mental states where I can’t take in new shows. So I stuck to Youtube shows instead.
My first two courses that will begin next week is Organisation and Leadership, and Children and Youth II (I’ve did level I earlier in the program). I have a feeling it’s gonna be hard but I’m up for the challenge.
I recently discovered an artist who’s music is *chef’s kiss*. These as so far my favourite, listen at your own risk though, they’re for sure 15+ if not 18+.
Some songs are better without the music video, to me, these are those kind of songs because I find them much more enjoyable when I can use my own imagination as I listen to them.
If you like the recommendations, let me know and I’ll keep them up.
What’s your plan for dinner? It’s almost dinner time here. I took some chicken out to defrost but I don’t know what to do with it yet haha ^^
I’m gonna try to turn the chicken into something edible and them work out, shower and eat. Have you watches Wednesday on Netflix yet? I’m a few episodes in but it’s developing kind of slow. I am such a huge Addams family fan so I really hope it picks up speed. Morticia Addams is such a great character, if you haven’t seen the old Addams family shows you should definitely check them out.
I’m trying really hard to update you often, can you tell?^^
This week both flew by but also couldn’t not seem to end. I’m gonna work tomorrow so technically my day hasn’t ended yet but I don’t have to interact with anyone during the weekend so mentally it’s the end of the week for me^^
I’m a little annoyed and my anxiety is a bit OTT these last couple of days but I’m trying to keep it at bay.
One positive news:
Taeyang from BIGBANG had his comeback today and his comeback song featured Jimin from BTS. I don’t know if you realise how epic that is but I’m gonna break it down just in case:
BTS took inspiration from BIGBANG when they were trying to enter the music business. They grew up listening to them, and to now see them feature on one of their songs is such a huge achievement and full circle moment that I can’t even put it to words. ALSO a bit part of why Taeyang probably had Jimin feature his comeback song is because BTS are now so big that he probably needed their clout to get back in to the game.
Listen, I love BIGBANG, they will forever be the reason I survived until I found BTS, BUT facts are facts: they’re not as big or legendary as they used to be.
It’s still a very cool moment to see the two reasons you survived all this time collaborate.
I don’t have anything important to share today. However, I wanted to share a funny correlation.
As you know, I’m a huge BTS fan and have been since they debuted.
If you also have been following them since then, you’ll know that they debuted with a song called No More Dream. It’s a really nice song with a very powerful meaning and message.
Fast forward to 2022: The youngest member of BTS, Jungkook performed on the opening of the FIFA 2022 with a song called Dreamers. This was legendary for two different reasons.
One, Jungkook was the first ever Korean to perform the opening of a FIFA tournament, he was also the first solo act of a FIFA tournament opening since 1998.
Two: To debut with a song called No More Dream and to then perform solo in front of the whole world with a song called Dreamers is such a full circle moment!
Today is quite cold in Sweden! How is it where you are? I remember you mentioning you liked hot chocolate, if you were here we could snuggle up on the sofa with hot chocolate^^ Did you like mini marshmallows? I don’t remember if you like it or not…
This is what I imagine is sipping on if you were here now
A hot chocolate like that can only and only be accompanied with a movie. How about The Greatest Showman? Or maybe Coco?
Today has been filled with dissertation writing and soon I’ll be off to look at a new potential place. We are aiming to move out before the end of the year so we thought we’d slowly start looking at new places.
We’re also slowly looking into our honeymoon planning. We never went on one when we got married because we both had to focus on work, so it was postponed a year. We’ve already booked the plane tickets and hotels, so no it’s activities left to book. We’re going to Seoul for a week, Tokyo for 3 days and Osaka for 3 days. We might visit Kyoto in between Tokyo and Osaka but that’s not fully set yet.
You know me, I’m mostly excited about Seoul! I haven’t been back there since like 6 years now. I miss it. It’s just as much home to me as Sweden is, if not more.
Oh also, I’ve started on two new fiction stories, I’ll share them here with you when they’re done. 🙂
Enjoy this song while you’re here. It’s a cover made by two of the actors from the LITA series I mentioned last time. Such talent these guys have! They can act, sing, dance and so much more.
It’s been a while, I know. I meant to share all the things that happened throughout the year with you yet I couldn’t bring myself to do so. Somehow, sharing it with you made it all real, and I didn’t want it to be. Or… I don’t think I care if it happens or not, I’m just shocked it did happen… it that makes sense?
Regardless, here we are and I can no longer not share these things will you.
What’s happened over the last few months? I got married, I lost contact will most of my family in the process due to disagreements in my choice of partner (or his ethnicity, I should say). The choice to drop contact was mine though, I think if I didn’t cut ties, they probably wouldn’t but I have come to realise that trying to keep them in my life threatens my peace and mental health. So I made a choice and I stand behind it.
The wedding was nice and lowkey, not low key enough it you ask me, but everyone enjoyed it so I’m satisfied with the outcome.
I’ll try to share some photos in the future, I don’t have them online but I’ll take some photos of our album ^^
What else has happened? Around fall, i slowly felt a de-personalization creeping up on me. It was almost like I no longer knew who I was, what I wanted out of life and if I really wanted all the things I want. Who am I even? Do I really wanna be the person I am? Do I want the life I dream of? Who is this person in the mirror? It almost felt like I lost the voice inside my head and it made me feel lost. Inner chaos, I call it. My friends reason with it as being an aftermath of everything that has happened throughout the year but I don’t know. Maybe. What do you think my love?
I haven’t been able to quite solve it but I am trying to heal step by step. You know I’ve always heeled with music and this time around it helped me once again. I found some new artists and songs with lyrics that made me feel a bit more grounded… or heard, I should say.
This is two of the songs I’ve had on repeat for months now.
I hadn’t heard of Jeff Satur before and this song hit me like a truck.
Something else that has helped me that I highly recommend for you too is getting back in touch with out hobbies that I’ve forgotten about. I used to read a lot, write novels and fiction, paint, play guitar and dance but I noticed as I grew older I somehow left those things in the past. So I’m trying to bring that back now.
Something else that has helped me heal that I didn’t realise it was going to? I found a thai series that ended up being my anchor and savour. I think see the couple in that series love each other the way I wish to be loved and understood helped me in a way. Almost like I filled me cup by seeing them fill each others cups if that makes sense? Haha it sounds weird when I say it out loud like this but I think you know what I mean.
If you ever wanna give it a chance, the series is called Love In The Air.
Moving on, The new year has now began and it has already hit me with it’s new obstacles. The first one being to start looking for a job in time for finishing university. I’m hopeful though.
I’m off to apply to some new jobs, I’ll try my very very best to keep you updated more often.
It’s February already. time is running by so fast.
The wedding date is slowly closing in and we are step by step finishing all the planning as the days go by. My internship has started and did so with a bang. I am slowly getting a grasp of things but there’s a lot to learn.
I know you’re not a huge fan like I am but I just need to show you the new shoes I ordered and that came today:
I’ll probably not keep the white and gold one to the right but the other two: I’m in love. I’m gonna try them on after my work today. I really hope the one far to the left fits, I’m in love with that one in particular.
Off to pressing news: Todrick Hall as dropped a new album: Gayme Over!
Stop what you’re doing, go to Youtube or Spotify and listen to it! I highly recommend the song called 69 and Rich Forever, they’re one of my favourites.
Ever since I was a kid, I loved playing ratchet and clank. The first ever Ratchet and Clank I got was the second on on PlayStation 2. However, a few days ago I found the OG OG game on play store: Ratchet and Clank 1!!!
I can’t even explain how freaking nostalgic and cool this is!! This is literally the story of how they met and became the best duo ever! (At this point I’m sure you know my love for videogames)
The crown: If you know me well enough, you’ll know that my favourite group of all times is BIGBANG. I started listening to them around the end of 2010 and have been a proud follower and fan since then. Their music has helped me through a lot of hardships and obstacles I know I wouldn’t be able to survive without their music. In 2006, when they debuted, their logo was a yellow crown with 5 points, one for each member. The logo has changed throughout time but the original logo will forever be the official one to me.
The paw: I have a thing for animals, I prefer animals over people and if I had the power to choose I would have wiped mankind of this planet to let animals have their planet back. We’ve done nothing but torture and hurt them With that being said, I love animals and would give my life up for the them in a heartbeat. I do, however, feel a particularly strong connection to specific types of animals more than others. The strongest connection I feel is for dragons but that’s a connection beyond description. Besides dragons though, I feel this huge pull for elephants, lions and wolves.
Wolves have one of the strongest connections to their pack, they’re very loyal and protective but also very aggressive towards outsides. During the rise of the Turkish army after it went from being the ottoman empire to the Turkish empire under the rein Ataturk, the enemies would call us the Turkish wolves or the grey/dark wolves. There’s a documented interview with Hitler and they ask him why he hasn’t considered invading Turkey and as he replies, he refers to the Turkish army as the Turkish wolves and explains that he would never consider that possibility because he knows that even if one Turk survives that one Turk will raise a whole army again. As long as one wolf survives, the pack will find a way to rise back up.
To remember that I am a part of my ancestors and I am the grandchild of Fatih Sultan Mehmet, the greatest leader we’ve ever had, I choose to get this tattoo and to put it somewhere I can see it and let it guide me. As we Turks say: Ne mutlu turkum diyene (The greatest happiness is to be able to say I’m turkish).
I’m eventually gonna make a sleeve on my lower left arm with Fatih Sultan Mehmets signature stamp, the Ottoman flag alongside the Turkish flag together with the year 1453 underneath. That’s why I chose to get the paw on my left and instead; so that it kind of goes together as a whole set.
Im so sorry for my absence being this long. I have honestly been meaning to update you for a while now but something always got in the way.
I did mean to update you yesterday but once I sat down infront of my computer I realised how exhausted I was. Therefore, Im updating you now instead.
Not alot of changes has happened; I’m still working two jobs and all that.
We celebrated my sister’s birthday yesterday which turned out pretty okay. I dont know we celebrated it a month ahead since her birthday is in june but my dads wife was the one to pick the date and not alot of her actions make sense so…
Anyways, I made the cupcakes for the party
We had a pink and white theme so I made the frosting pink and the sugar roses white^^
Moving on, I have been feeling quite stuck in my pole fitness development; everything but one trick is mastered and so I emailed the studio and asked for advice, wondering if it is possible to move up a level but also take the focus classes that focuses on the trick I can’t do. Not only was the reply a big no, I received an essay long response about how it’s my fault since I probably am not putting in alot of effort during the classes. I was also told Im making myself a victim by telling her was has been going wrong during her classes that I was present in since I felt that I didnt get the help and guidence I needed.
Keep in mind I never once called her a bad instructor; I did however point out that she didnt focus on the students that already knew most of the tricks. She took that as an offence, I assume.
That pissed me off so much that I chose not to reply after that. Nothing I say would make a difference at that point.
So, I will probably start looking for a new studio which isn’t necessarily a bad thing.
With that being said, I love animals and would give my life up for the them in a heartbeat. I do, however, feel a particularly strong connection to specific types of animals more than others. The strongest connection I feel is for dragons but that’s a connection beyond description. Besides dragons though, I feel this huge pull for elephants, lions and wolves.
Our Mutual Distance 